the Superbowl.

I actually passively watched it I was a little disappointed that the Broncos didn’t deliver.  I am a Colts fan so I was rooting for Manning to get another ring.  I like the Seahawks too, it’s not like I had to watch the Patriots win or something…

Life is pretty uneventful lately and I have been feeling extremely restless.  I am waiting till the end of the week and then I have to go out into the real world and get one of those things that you do that make money….I think they are called jobs…I haven’t had one in a bit.  I was waiting to go back to college but it doesn’t look like it’s going to be happening with my student loans as soon as I hoped.  All this headache has me seriously questioning rather I want to go back.  I don’t want to be in debt forever.  I only went for a year and owed about 20 grand.  The only positive is maybe I wouldn’t have to pay them off until I had a higher paying job but I am uncertain of what to even go for.

I value the education in itself.  I don’t want to pick something based on the likeliness of getting a good job afterwards but at the same time I can’t go for something that is useless in the job field and have to pay back 100 grand in loans.  I thought about Anthropology…something I am deeply passionate about.  To get a job as an Anthropologist I would to go on to get a Masters or a PHD.  I am unsure of my own abilities as well as with at least 4 children running around if I could devote the rest of my life to school.  I would be nearly 40 if I started now.  I could be a therapist or a teacher after getting my Bachelors in Anthropology but I know neither career will fit me nor do they pay very much considering how much my loan debt may be.  On the other side I looked into being a Radiologist.  The schooling isn’t much, the pay is decent but then….ah then my mother broke her nose.  I already knew I was squeamish about broken bones (more so than with blood), but I realized I was squeamish to a degree where I can’t even look at an x-ray or talk about them without aching and looking away….That isn’t going to work either.

What suites me?  What do I really want to do?  I am so lost on that anymore.  I don’t know anymore.  I used to be so much more driven but now I really am just chill about everything to the point of complacency.  Right now I want to go out and get a job so I can enjoy the money and come home and spend time with my family.  That’s where I am at right now.


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