Long Time, No Words

I have been fighting stress, depression, and illness.

Depression; I didn’t get that first really good career I was offered. I was devastated. The money was good. The hours were perfectly amazing. The job was ok, a heck of a lot better than the job I was doing before. It was an entry level position so when I didn’ get it, I felt I would never get out of the food business. I could mabe work at a grocery store at best but I didn’t want that either. We fell behind on bills. Nothing we can’t catch up but it’s the wrong time of year for that. Did I give up my “career” for nothing? Even though I had permission had I made my family fall behind? I couldn’t do much of anything else but I continued to apply between naps and drama(that’s going to be under stress). Where did I go so wrong with my life?

Illness; Everyone has been sick. Minor colds and a stomach virus. It’s been pretty nasty, though minor excluding my husband who has a stomach weaker than a newborn kitten. He still is recovering. I have cysts on my ovaries and it was that magical time of the month where I want to yank my brain out so I cannot feel pain. The Metamour had a nasty Migraine which took her out one evening. We have more serious illness, but I will discuss that in the stress section since it’s family related, but not household related.

Stress; Firstly I quit two days before my sister got out of prison. My mom and brother live in central Indiana, but my sister’s plan is to live with her daugher, my niece in Northern Indiana. My mother who was authorized to pick her up cannot see well in the dark, so my husband and her made an arrangement for her to visit with us for the day, and go together to pick her up from the Madison County Prison, which is on the Kentucky/Indiana border. It was closer to our home, so they stayed the night here. It wasn’t stressful per se, but the events that followed in close sucession are. I had the job interview a few days later while the children were on fall break. I got rejected a few days after. The children went back to school. Halloween happened. I put in numerous applications. My lover’s father had emergency surgery and in the process was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I am so grateful that they had a good experience before he left the state. Some stuff came up in our home that I can only say poly problems about. It led to some fighting and ultimately all making up but I have to say it was a two day ordeal that is very non typical of our family. The Metamour and husband are very passionate and get into huge fights that typically end in a couple hours but this was everyone unhappy with everyone. We worked through it and RESOLVED it. That’s what family does.

I was bleak at this point. I was really sad. I wanted to give up but there was still the children and this glimmer of hope in me. I had seen worse days but I was blaming myself for things I was delusional about. I had ruined this, I had put us in a financial bind. I promised my lover I would call one of my applicants but was dreading that particular one because I had applied for the company before and they always tell me that if they are interested they will call you, so I went for a different one instead…and…I got an interview. It wasn’t two minutes after the interview I got a call back to meet with the GM. I was perfect for the career and it is perfect for me. I will be learning a trade, I am bound not to get bored with it. I am actually becoming a certified pet groomer.

The company I am starting for urges us to express ourselves. We can dye our hair and have piercings. We can show our tattoos as long as they are tasteful. They allow us to wear unprinted tee shirts and any pants. I have a low base pay but should actually be making really good money, even as an apprentice. I am really looking forward to this opportunity and this change in my life and to be myself

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2 thoughts on “Long Time, No Words

  1. whew. sounds like things have been all over the place, but ultimately, the tide seems to be turning! so glad to hear an update from you. i had been wondering how you are. *hug*

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