On the Prowl; Dating

First off the official come out that is nobody’s business which is why you haven’t heard it.  We opened the quad, we are allowed the freedom to date, or not to date.  We are allowed to be our own person.  We will not allow it to interfere with our child rearing or our family in any negative way, though I am sure some people will slip through the cracks or already are and are also joining our family, even if more extended than the original quad.  So far nobody has met the children, with the exception of Bunny at Pride meeting Chunk.

I don’t see how you guys do this dating thing.  Lady M I’m talking to you especially.  My god, I went on one date and I ended up wanting to gauge my eyes out.  You get all nervous and such for basically and interview to see if you are good enough to potentially be in this person’s life.  Nope. I went on my first ever date, as I never have dated before and have decided it will be my last.  To clarify, the man I went out with was more gentlemanly than I was a lady.  He paid for dinner, he was mostly sweet, he was respectful and on occasion he still talks to me.  So no, he did nothing wrong so to speak, it was me.  First of all I got myself so worked up, I could hardly speak because I was so nervous.  I am shy, but not THAT shy.  It made me feel like had he chose not to talk to me again, he would have done so without ever really knowing me.  I don’t like feeling vulnerable.  I don’t like feeling needy.  So, my plan has changed.  I would definitely go out with him again, if he asked, I am open to going out with people BUT I am treating this like hanging out with my friends or family.  I am going to tell myself that if I never see them again, if they don’t like the real me, if they have expectations that have to be met, it’s just…not worth it.

I have two amazing men that love me for me.  I have a heterosexual lifemate that is always here for me.  I have crazy children who need me.  I have coworkers who enjoy hanging out at work.  I don’t have a lot of friends, but I don’t need many, I need good ones.  My goal originally, three years ago upon realizing I was poly was to have relationhips that had no bounds.  If I want to cuddle with said friend on the couch and it doesn’t violate their realtionship or personal space, I’m going to.  If we are having a good time and I choose to take that good time to the next level, fine.  Who knows maybe I will meet someone that will be part of the family too, though extended.  So long story short, I’m going to do me, and I am enjoying the freedom I have to be the person I am.


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