My life has changed drastically since the last time I have found time to write here. I had a breakdown of sorts and just realized for whatever reason, I was not happy with my life. I have made leaps and bounds to change it and found that no matter what you do it’s going to cause someone else displeasure, but at the end of the day I am the one who is going to have to live with me, I have to be in charge of making my own life now.
That being said I split from my quad and I am now living with my boyfriend and I am in a monogamous relationship with him. I found we just align better and mesh better and we want the same things from life. You won’t see me on here badmouthing my baby dadda or mama. I don’t play those games and frankly I get along better with everyone this way because lets face it, I’m a handful and not everyone can handle this much crazy. My soon to be ex and I share custody of our daughter, though he has her more because right now I am staying with people and live out of the school district. It stinks but I see her and my stepchildren pretty regularly.
I have been going to therapy. It was a few times a week but now I’m down to every other week. I feel it has helped me with confidence, that I have learned that I am going to hurt people and if it has to be done to quit dragging it out, to be more transparent. I hate feeling so vulnerable all the time but unfortunately when you are an empath and super sensitive, it’s just part of it. I know I have a gift of understanding and unfortunately I can’t have it without being who I am, which is vulnerable. It has it’s downsides, but it makes you who you are. I have also learned that I am a person of action. I am not patient, which is the downside, the upside is I am perfect to be around when disaster strikes.
Another new development is that I started school earlier this month for Cultural Anthropology. It’s been a dream and I am so happy it’s finally being realized.
I know this is short but this has literally been consuming my life for the past six months. I tired living and working things out with my family part time but it was becoming evident that wasn’t working. We split twice before the final split and there was craziness and tears, this time there was a calm and revelation after the initial fight and we just knew. There have been so many awesome new experiences for me and that I have been able to share with Hannah. I’ve seen and reconnected with old friends and realized I can never go back from where I came. There have been near disaster downs where I was on a LOA from my job and later I almost lost my job. It doesn’t sound like much typed here, but trust me when I say it’s been an insane ride.