So I have had many questions about the polyamorous lifestyle as of late. I don’t mind talking about my time in a poly relationship. I don’t regret it. It may not have been for me, but it gave me the opportunity to know this without any doubt. Well, almost. It’s a little more complicated than all that. I am not against the lifestyle. I know I’ve had some people tell me “open relationships never work,” or “it’s not going to work if you guys sleep with others”. Ok, the latter ended up being true. However this isn’t true for everyone. I relate it to telling someone that they shouldn’t be monogamous because we all have the innate urges to have sex with multiple people. It’s not about sex, it’s about love. Usually these things just run hand in hand.
I can certainly tell you why I am not polyamorous. I can certainly say why it didn’t work for me and my significant other of over a year. In December my marriage and polyamorous relationship was over. I can’t begin to tell you the things David and I have been through as a couple. It survived it all. Towards the beginning of June I lost my health coverage and was waiting on my state coverage to take over. I felt I had no choice but to quit taking my medications. However, that now looking back was the wrong answer. I started in mania ended in me in the hospital. I looked over my journal recently and found where I had decided that David and I should try our polyamory. We already had sex with other people, it just seemed the natural procession of things even though I knew I wasn’t really comfortable with it. Sex isn’t just sex to me. It never has been but that’s not to say things weren’t fun. He met someone I didn’t approve of and I discovered very fast I wasn’t poly even though his therapist tried telling us both that. We also discovered David wasn’t poly when he really couldn’t keep two girls at once. I broke it off and moved out. I couldn’t stand by and watch it. I couldn’t tell him not to be him. He several times told me he would gladly just have it be me. I felt he wouldn’t give her up when I asked him too as a condition for me saying when really he didn’t like the ultimatum. Our break up was about a week. I was homeless before the hospital. After sleeping, eating, and drinking (first time eating in a few days, drinking anything all day, and really sleeping in 5 days) David came to see me. I was a little more rational. Even more so the next time after they got some medicine. I got out the third day and he came to get me, took me home and I never left. We are not poly. We are seeking couples therapy. We are happy. I have had some issues and him some as well but we have been working on them like pros. I just remember why I’m here, all the good reasons. I remember he chose me. I feel special. I didn’t feel special not being his only one, and honestly I’m unsure it was just me or if he is terrible at making more than one person special. Probably a little of both.
I will talk more about my mental health and the hospital next time.