We all should have one. A tribe. The bare bones of who will be at our side in our worst times. People who love us for our flaws, not in spite of them. People who choose this, not parent. I feel siblings do count when you get older. I don’t associate with mine closely, they aren’t part of my tribe. I love them. But a tribe is a choice. It’s a community. People who are with you, always. Not who always get along, in fact real friends, real family, won’t hesitate to tell you, “hey you’re fucked up” in a given situation.
I don’t have many who are in my tribe, I want to have more, to be a more inclusive person, but I’m picky. I don’t see that as a flaw. These people would lay down their lives for me, and I for them. I some days hate their attitude and try to avoid them, but even then, they say come, if I can, I come. Their children are my children.
There is Loki. I am the Wilson to his House. I maybe with another man, who will always come first, but Loki has an irreplaceable place in my tribe. For starters, we have a child, my only biological child. I am grateful we aren’t nasty, spiteful, parents who use our child as a pawn. His lover, Lili is a definite in my tribe. I call her my baby mama. People who hate their replacement isn’t a new thing, and honestly isn’t uncommon, but growing up, my mother and my dad’s ex-wife were good friends and 25 years after his passing are still friends. That’s my example. I would be missing out on one of the best human beings in the world if I chose jealousy and pettiness over getting to know someone who can deal with my ex better than I can. It’s one thing to be Wilson, a complete other to live with him. This woman is a saint! Then there is Fei. Ah! My former lover. There was never really bad blood….just a fizzle and fade. I felt he didn’t stand for me, he felt (rightly) that I was trying to change him. There is love there. I have his back, and he mine. Last but not least is my Beast. He is so…him. Supportive, kind, gentle, nerdy, cute, sexy, adorable, mean and pushy, and physical. He makes me feel so good.
I have other close friends, almost tribe, but there is a block, distance, something that keeps them farther than I would like….. I just wanted to share.