Where Life is for Me

Sometimes I see people that seem to have their life all together and I feel bad for myself.  Then I see people more like me and I am reminded I am not alone, and honestly, I don’t care to have all my shit together, I just don’t want chaos.  I finally feel I am getting somewhere happy in my life, now I just need to find a job that is gainful and I can live with. 

So, obviously my last post was a plea asking for financial help on out gofundme.  Things are still getting sorted out financially but are much better.  I am currently still not working.  I had a slight breakdown, which tends to always happen in June to July and lost a warehouse job.  It was over my nephew being a judgmental jerk.  It doesn’t matter.  I still need to find more control over my emotions.  I didn’t have the money for my medicine.  That was taken care of promptly, unlike the previous year.

I got another warehouse job, it was easy but it was 7 days, 10 hours a day.  And usually, I could do it, but the day I got the job I had a second appointment that I had to rush to.  I was only a few days late but the nausea was insane.  I’m pregnant.  Nine weeks now.  I tried for nine years with my ex husband after the birth of our daughter.  Then another 2 years with my previous lover, before in the third year I decided to go on birth control and give up.  David didn’t want anymore children, and I was sad because with him, I really did, but I also want my child to be wanted.  Well, in February Wonderful Govenor Mike Pence passed in Indiana only certain birth controls were to be covered.  I have PCOS so I can’t be on just any birth control, it was more to help my symptoms, than actual birth control, so I said screw either as on Hip they have also made it increasingly difficult to make it in to a doctor and I was working from 9 to 6 or 7.  So I just said fuck it, as long as I have my antidepressant I’m cool.  Well, I never in a million years expected this…. And David was opted an out which he made sure I knew I was insane.  So we are having a baby and we are both really excited. 

My biological daughter and this baby will be over 13 years apart. 

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