Happy Holidays 

I am exhausted, not because I’ve done anything to get this way… Because growing a baby is exhausting.  I am so excited to meet Ms Mara Jade now that I know some things and that ultimately, everything is going to be OK.

After losing my job in June I haven’t been able to get gainful employment.  I thought David could do it, but when it comes down to it he has an emotional disability and may never be able to handle the pressure of a full time job.  He did it before, and it used to hurt to think he could do it for his ex wife but not for me, but I look at the progress he has made in his life, look at the things he wasn’t doing back then.  All he did was have fun spending the money he made and live with someone else who paid 80% of the bills.  We have been doing this almost a year.  Yes, we have had to get help but it was us!  He says things that make me sad and happy like “No one tried to help me become a better person” or we were talking about someone who was alone, possibly for the holidays and it dawned on me…..  I have never actually been alone.  He has and it made me sad he ever was and happy he never would be while there is breath in my body ever again.  All of this said David is doing all he can, he works two part time jobs.  He loves us so much. 

We still have nothing for Mara and since we move in less than 2 months it’s OK.  I think I may have to give in and buy some cute onsies I saw at Kroger Marketplace that are on sale.  With Jamie’s support (more on this later) we are definitely doing cloth but will probably do disposable while out and about.  Other than my iron being a little low and my hormones making me more tired than I should be the pregnancy is fine.  Only thing wrong is I haven’t been able to even keep any employment.  After finally getting a job in a restaurant, I only worked peak and was unable to stand without sitting 5 hours straight.  But more bothersome is I’m at the end of the second trimester and I’m still exhausted.  The nurse practitioner basically said that women that are affected like this need to nap several times a day.  I’ve gotten myself down to one but as tired as I am it takes me forever to actually fall asleep.  Oh joyous.  As much as I am complaining I am still elated.  I know there are women who are dying to be in my place because I used to be one of them.  We are 25 weeks along.  Three weeks until we talk about the birthing plan, take the glucose test, and an iron stick.  

David and I got married December 2nd.  It was a very quiet non ceremony at my ex husband’s home.  He bought us a cake and officiated.  As a joke he liked to use his ordination card as his second form of ID at liquor stores.  I think he was excited to use it for something else.  Honestly of course I would have had maybe a tiny ceremony and a reception but as a whole it was perfect. 

So Valentines Day will be spent moving to our new apartment here in the complex.  We get the master because we have a baby sleeping with us.  My best friend Jaime and her two children is moving in.  We are getting 4 bedrooms.  Jaime is using mostly her stuff and ours will go into storage what we don’t dump.  Our biological female children will share a room, her son will share a room with David’s son if we are ever able to finally take his mom to court.  We will pay less for all our bills than we were paying in rent alone here with cable and internet.  It’s a win win.  Jaime is ready to start over with her pending divorce and has been having financial difficulties.  Her mother passed away recently too and it’s just time for a change.  Of course we were struggling before I lost my job but now… It’s beyond struggling.  She is in one of those situations where she makes too much for assistance but really doesn’t make enough to live.  Similar to how we were before but we still had David’s income another person to help us and support us.  She is doing it alone. 

There is a last thing but I’m afraid to talk about and jinx it.  So I won’t, I will say it’s a game changer for sure.

We start school in less than a month and I am nervous.  I hope I still have what it takes.  


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